Dusty Archives - sounds like a good band name, no? Live Wires too... I'm adding these to my stash of 'potential future band names'. Whether or not this 'potential future band' will come to pass is not the point.

ANYWHO. Have you ever been so bored that you decide to go through this blog's archives?? Yeah, of course cos you love me so much. Just so much :P I just noticed today that I have a friggin post alteast every single month since its birth. Quite a feat, I must say. I had a quick read of February 2005 and wow, I seemed to in tuned with things back then. Work consumed me but I was having a great time. Now? NOW?! Ugh, I feel so drained.

Archives are great. It's like reading through old diary entries and the thought process usually goes something like this:
Oh god. WHAT! What was I thinking? I thought that? Aw, I remember that! Wow, that WAS cool. Man, that was so fucking annoying - glad I'm not like that now. Geez, I am a lot more mature than I thought I was. Omg, I was SO immature. I can't believe I liked that guy! Hmpf, he sure turned out to be a bit of fuck now didn't he? Aw, those were good times. Ick, why the hell did I do that for? Why was I so stupid? Wow, I really did the right thing.

ETC ETC.

It's almost 2am now and I have to get to bed. I need a productive day tomorrow to finish off my essay on Market Socialism (taking shape, taking shape, now shut up!). Tonight was Sarah's 22nd birthday drinks @ Polly on Brunswick St. Fun! Great venue. Beer is great. Good company - many people I haven't seen in ages.

Busy week coming up ahead of me. More graduate interviews, need I even MENTION this anymore? It's like a weekly ritual of mine. Some cool social events in between... and ASSIGNMENTS. Finance Basel II thing, thesis work... Eco essay... argh... Okay, I'll quit whinging because it seems that's all I ever do these days. And I don't want to come across as a whinger!!..

xxo

Before I dwelve into my intended message I had a FLASHBACK today. On the way home from an interview, David Bowie's "Subterraneans" played on my iPod under shuffle mode. I haven't heard this song in ages and it reminded me of Trent. At the David Bowie gig in early 2004, there I was against the barrier right in front of the stage pushing and shoving, cheering like a mad arse, and shouting out the names of songs that I wanted David to play. As the crowd settled down as the intro of the next song was starting, Trent shouts "SUBTERRANEANS!" which I found incredibly amusing and so I laughed.

So anyways back to my main topic. Oh wait, I just realised that 99% of you won't get the above flashback and why it was so funny. Subterraneans is a real slow almost baroque song that would probably require an orchestra and three tenors.

OK so back to main topic - I'm very happy and energised. Had an interview today with another company and I thought it went really well. They asked REAL interview questions and the interviewers were a lot more down to earth. I felt that they valued me as the person I am as opposed to what I know about the Australian Stock Exchange. I can't remember enjoying an interview so much. Not sure if I'll get through to the next round but it brought about good feelings all around and made me realise what I am looking for in a career and what kind of employer I want to work for.

I haven't heard back from the OTHER company yet - I'm at the stage where its either a yes or no. Considering it has been 2 business days since I had the interview, I don't think I'm going to get it. Shame because the recruitment process for that was so time consuming and stressful - it really affected my uni... but at the same time it has provided me with skills and experience to tackle other interviews which are less stressful. So it's like I'm slowly swimming to shore after being thrown in the deep end.

I have to run and finish off my Thermo lab write up. I got a phone call from a friend tonight. He said he has a spare ticket to a ADRIAN BELEW* gig tonight. Clutching my chest in complete utter heartache I said "No" because I have so much friggin work to do. Argh! I gave up an Adrian Belew gig!!! What was I thinking?!

Silly me. But that thermo lab isn't going to write itself.

xoxo

*Adrien Belew - Guitar Legend. Played for King Crimson, Nine Inch Nails, Tori Amos, Talking Heads, Frank Zappa and David Bowie.

SIGH.

Michael (Spence) pointed out to me last night that despite me being so incredibly leftwing, I am applying for and wanting to work for multinationals. This has crossed my mind a few weeks ago when the sudden change in direction that I took in terms of "what the hell am I meant to be doing next year?". Amidst writing my essay advocating market socialism, my involvement with Engineers Without Borders and my thesis on natural disaster mitigation, here I am trying to get the attention of multinationals. We both realised that we're more or less in the same boat... and the possibility of being engulfed in the sea of capitalism is no longer so remote.

And so I'm thinking about this. Those who follow my blog must be so confused as to what I want to do with my life. A few months ago it was all "I want to take a year off, study a graduate diploma in Creative Arts and travel!" Now its "Omg I need a job for next year. I want that job! Why aren't they calling me! Omg I did so bad in the interview!"

Let's me just clear up this little vague area of my life. I started applying for some grad positions to 'try my luck'. See where I can get with the qualifications and experience that I currently have. Married with the fact that I have absolutely no money because I have absolutely no shifts at work, I realised that my wishes to travel and take a year off is absolutely not sustainable at this retarded situation of financials I'm currently in. PLUS, I discovered the world of investment banking which sounds incredibly apprealing compared to working as say, an engineer. IB comes with travel and global interaction. I like travel and global interaction. Even if it means living in the office.

As much as I love the uni life, a part of me is getting over it. Maybe it's time to move on. Get a job, start saving real money, go travelling by taking time off that you've earned, start finding my own way of life.

We'll see. It really depends on whether I do get a job. My main goal at this stage is to be an investment banker (and what, advising on hostile takeover bids?!). I applied for investment banking jobs and then freaking out that maybe I won't get a job and so I'm also applying for engineering jobs. Like what the. That wasn't my plan initially. It was just a result of my getting the 'find a grad job now' ball rolling.

I have to get back into what I think is right for me. If I don't get a grad job for next year, I'll take the year off. Get some experience, travel, study art, paint. Get all that shit out of my system. Who knows, it could be good for me.

Ok, I'm digressing.

But the fact is... as much as I seem so incredibly conflicting... at the end of the day, you work or you don't work. And as a grad, all you want is just some decent job to start off your career. I don't want to be wandering around neighbourhoods knocking on doors asking "Will you buy my painting so I can have some bread tonight?" If I'm working for some multinational for the first few years of my career, it doesn't mean that I'll be doing it for the rest of my life. Things will change, I'll see where I progress... and when I'm retired with money that works for me, I'll go a door knockin'! (And open up my own art gallery).

xoxo

I'm living in a semi-soap opera right now and I'm not exactly sure what to make of it. As exciting as it is, it plays hard on my emotions and the emotions of others and I don't know what I should be doing about it. Whether it needs any resolving. Whether it needs any attention at all. Whether it will just crumble away in one big anti-climatic heap as with every other soapie that has occurred in my life.

How did I end up like this? I didn't even see it coming although it has been brewing underneath the depths of my perceptions for a long time. Life was boring a while ago but it was peaceful and simple. Why is it that all excitement in life come with extreme emotional highs and lows riding along its coat tail?

The funny thing is... I'm one who is the most completely lost in this 'soap opera'. I don't even know what is going on. I don't have the full picture. It's like I'm in it yet at the same time watching in anticipation what is going to happen next. "Hmm, wonder what's going to happen in my life today/this week, ooh we shall see"

I gotta get a grip around something. My attempts for self-preservation complicates things. I know I gotta approach but a part of me just wants to sit back and go with the flow 'in case things weren't the way I thought they were'.

Yeah but nobody searches
And nobody cares somehow
When the loving that you've wasted
Comes raining from a hapless cloud
Then I might stop and look upon your face
Disappear in the sweet, sweet gaze
See the living that surrounds me
Dissipate in a violet blaze

Can't you see what you've done to my heart,
and soul?
This is a wasteland now

We spies, we slow hands
You put the weights all around yourself
We spies, oh yeah we slow hands
You put the weights all around yourself

I submit my incentive is romance
I watch the pole dance of the stars
We rejoice because the hurting is so painless
From the distance of passing cars
But I am married to your charms and grace
I just go crazy like the good old days
You make me want to pick up a guitar
And celebrate the myriad ways that I love you

Can't you see what you've done to my heart,
and soul?
This is a wasteland now

We spies, yeah we slow hands
You put the weights all around yourself
We spies, oh yeah we slow hands
Killers for hire you know that yourself

We spies, we slow hands
You put the weights all around yourself
We spies, oh yeah we slow hands
We retire like nobody else
We spies, intimate slow hands
Killer for hire you know not yourself
We spies, intimate slow hands
You let the face slap around herself

xoxox

A Powderfinger song came on the radio this morning. I haven't heard this song in almost 6 years. It made me rather sad because when I last heard this song, I was really upset, wound up about something that was hurting, sick of things around me and... basically just wanted to crawl in a hole and hide myself away from the world.

The lyrics still mean the same to me today... and I think it described my state last night when I blogged here (see post below).

"Blow the candles out raise a glass to the night
Let all the tension out you've been wound up so tight
It's a tender trap to plan ahead all the time"

"Keep the glass topped up it's not over just yet
Pull off the social bluff celebrate your success
Turn the sunlight out find a place in the shade"

In the mood for taking myself far too seriously, I received an email from a close friend today and I thought I'd post this up because it means so much to me right now - and I hope you find something out of it too. Using his words...

Basically it was about a story of a woman and her daughter. The daughter was telling her mom about all the fucked up shit happening in her life and her mother saw that the experiences were taking her down this road that would not be ending very well. Mostly that was because the daughter was feeling defeated. So the mother took the daughter into the kitchen, put on some boiling water, then took out a carrot, egg, and some coffee grounds. She then asked her daughter to examine each thing.

The daughter said the carrot was firm and strong. The egg was fragile and had to be handled with care. The coffee smelled
absolutely great and she felt like from the smell it would taste good to simply eat the grounds. So then, the mother puts all three things one at a time in the boiling water, and has her daughter examine each thing afterwards. The carrot, once strong and firm was now soft, flimsy, and seemed like it would fall apart in her hand. The egg, once fragile and to be handled with care was now hardened on the inside and out. The hard outer shell had no function anymore. The coffee ground on the other was still coffee grounds, albeit wet. But they smelled even better than before. And then a funny thing happened, where she noticed that the water was changed by the coffee, whereas the carrot and egg hardly affected the water. Upon smelling the water, it smelled great. Upon tasting the water, it tasted great and made her feel better about her current situation. But she did not see the metaphor of what her mother was trying to teach her.

That would be, there are carrots, eggs, and coffee grounds in life (life being the boiling water). After exposure to life, the carrot was weakened, the egg was hardened and not as good as it was before (because obviously you can do so many more things with an egg before it is hardboiled that taste soooo much better than hardboiled eggs). Furthermore, life around the carrot and egg remained unchanged. It was still a raging pot of scalding hot water with no taste except the shitty after taste of melted carrot of calcium from the egg shell.

But then the coffee, a wonderful thing with so much potential before being put into life, became all that much better when put under adverse conditions. And not only did it become better, but the life around it became that much better as well.

Okay... so now I'm going to work on my Thermo lab write-up and be the finest tasting coffee in the world ;).

xoxo

I wanted to blog earlier today but this place was under 'maintenance' and so I couldn't.

Since then I have lost all my inspiration to write. Not that I ever write anything profound but hey, I'm writing so sit down and shut up! :P

I had a shite day today. Well not entirely shite... but enough to get me feeling rather down in the dumps. I told you. I don't take failure well! Although I haven't failed yet, I feel as if I have already.

Meh. Would be good to get shit faced right now. But I have to have a functional weekend cos I have so much work from uni to do. Argh. There's a lot on my mind right now. And thus it has made me boring.

I apologise for my boringness.

Easter was mad fun... as usual. I'm still suffering from withdrawal effects ... which occur every year. But having great uni mates at the same time makes things a lot better. Come home... go out again. Have fun. Ladida. Robyn made a good post about our bar hopping night out on her blog here. Much detail.

I have a feeling that my depressing state is showing on this post and thus I should stop. I never knew what kinda crazy emotional shit graduate job applications can really put you through. It's just not the same as any other job interviews I've ever had.

I'm hanging around in mid air bopping up and down with no particular direction... I feel as though it is the decisions and actions of others that dictate where I am at right now. And it is. In all aspects. My personal life, my career, my uni life. Dictate dictate. I hate it when I'm not in control.

xo

The more I hear this song the more I want to say it! Haha... I don't think I've come across any song lyric that describes myself to the tee...


I'm kinda pretty and pretty damn smart.
I like romantic things like music and art.
And as you know I have a gigantic heart.
So why... don't I have a boyfriend?
Fuck!
It sucks to be me!


Avenue Q rocks. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not pining for a boyfriend... I just think its super funny. To be even more apt, I should just add/change the song lyric "But I always end up in the wrong state of affairs. So I... no, I don't have a boyfriend. It sucks to be me!"

Alas.

In other news. I have somehow managed to get into the third round of the selection process for a graduate job. I'm completely stoked. I have the interview tomorrow morning. I'm not keeping my hopes up because obviously it is still a 'selection process' and so there'll be a few people to choose from. I'm just stoked that I got this far.

In terms of uni, I'm somewhat behind on my thesis work. Fack. My FYP partner has come back from America and so I finally have someone to work with now and share ideas. Having worked in teams since first year engineering, it's like... when I'm on my own I feel I'm not generating enough ideas. Yeah, it gets like that. It's cool to work in teams.

Heading down to Portsea tomorrow evening. Got a huge day tomorrow, 2 interviews in the city (for the same company, 2 sessions), run to Monash for my Thermodynamics lab, run home and pack and stuff... and head down to Portsea! Having such a huge day I'm going to get totally smashed. Well, maybe not... but definitely will let my hair down and relax for the weekend and not think about things!!! Gonna be working friggin' hard next week on my thesis and assignments so I'll need to relax a bit.

The past week has been rather fab. Went to the engineering ball last thursday which was so much fun. I've never had a big big night with my uni mates before and so it was good (I don't count pub nights). I think we should do this more often. To see photos from the night go to http://georginalee.fotopic.net, password: expectrespect. I think we're doing some cool stuff next week like skating. Or something or rather. Will be fun! I can't help but feel so incredibly lucky to have such great mates.

Lucky lucky, you're so lucky!

xoxo

No, really. It is. I'm not being sarcastic.

I just don't want to spit out all the gory details.

But I'd thought I'd let you all know anyway. Just how exciting my life is.

xoxo

I've had three and a half hour exams before. But they never go for the full length of time (well, rarely). Today I went to the city and took a psychometric test (as part of one of a company's recruitment process) that lasted almost four hours and how it has fried my brain!

I'm feeling confident about it though but it really got my brain working. I feel exhausted now. I am mostly confident about my ability tests - there was a verbal, logical reasoning and numerical test. They were all timed, giving you approximately 30 seconds to answer each question. This puts a lot of pressure to make you work fast and accurately. I was punching numbers into my calculator at rates I've never experienced before! Brain trying to comprehend passages and tables and graphs and patterns also at speeds never experienced before.

The ability tests took almost an hour to complete. Then followed a 1-hr long personality test. I found this most challenging because they give you really really really difficult choices. So out of four choices you had to choose the one that is most likely to be you and one that is least likely. You had to choose from (example): I am ambitious, I thrive in competition, I look out for others, I enjoy socialising with friends. So you had to choose from these four equally appealing traits as to which most/unlikely describes you. From the situations they give you, I think they want to see what your traits are in terms of leadership, interpersonal skills, ethics, ego, drive, organisation and how much you love working with numbers. There is no way of trying to cheat your way through because 1. you don't really know what they are looking for and 2. the test is structured in a sense to 'catch you out' if you try to forge the answers. Hence the over 100 number of questions.

So I just answered them to the best I could and honestly. Then came a sales questionnaire which basically tested how you'd work as a salesperson and with people. This was super challenging too because they posed many situations in which I've never been in before. I mean, I work at a clothing store... but I don't cold call people to come shop and buy our clothes. This test was rather interesting because they'd throw in some problem solving questions in between such as "If Tom sells more than Rob and Jim and Jim sells more than Steve, who outsells so and so..." kinda thing. They were easy but it was interesting they added these things in a questionnaire that was very focused on how well you are as a salesperson.

This was a good experience and I'm itching to know my results. I really really don't know how I fared. Unfortunately I won't hear from them for another two to three weeks which is a bit of a bummer. It will give me some space to breathe though and get my head down with my uni work (so much so much).

So I thought I'd give an insight to some of you for what kind of tests companies do these days... cos I think most of us will have to experience it some stage in our lives when we are looking for a job.

xoxo