Happy Holidays everyone! Most of you would have received a little email from me packed with well wishes for the silly season. HEHEHE. If you didn't, you may make a request.

ANYWHO. So what have you all been doing the last few days? Did you go shop and like add to the crazy crowds that FLOCK to shopping centres as if its a sheltar for a nuclear holocaust? This year was the first year that I could avoid the crazy crowd cos I don't have a shift on Boxing Day! Woo hoo! I stayed at home and LAZED all day. It was awesome. I'm working tomorrow though, could be just as busy... but I'm only doing 5 hrs. Woooo!

So the week leading up to Xmas, I stayed a couple of days at Robyn's house-sitting house in Brighton. They have an awwwweessome pool with one of those jets where you can like swim against the current and not make any distance. The day I got there, I had completed all of my tsunami experiments at uni beforehand and I was just ready to relllaaax. So Brendan was there and we changed into our swimmers, grabbed a towel and a book to laze by the pool. Unknowingly we both were reading books on property development. I totally cracked up when we found that out... we ARE power geeks.

I signed my work contract last week too and sent that off. Let's just say it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I decided that, professionally, it wasn't wise to pursue Germany because it really did not make any sense in relation to the work here. Even if they did let me take the 6 months off to work in Deutschland, it wouldn't be a good reflection on me... I didn't want to jeopardise my very early relationship with this company in any way by asking for time off to work at a company in a entirely non-related field.

It was painful and it still is very painful. I've mistakenly hyped myself up about Germany mainly because I didn't hear back from this other company for a long time and decided they didn't want me (it was a 5 month process from interview to offer). And I don't know... all these little fun things like travelling and learning a new language and all that stuff... *sigh*.

Something deep in me wants to just go away and break out of my comfort zone. Some big part of me wants to be thrown into something completely new so I can grow and learn more about myself as a person. Now that I've got my degree, I want a new and completely different challenge to tackle because I know that I have something solid to fall back on. To me, Germany was the solution to this need. And it feels that its just been taken away from me far too quickly.

I've been spending the last couple of weeks moping and mourning over this loss that its also been affecting other people because I just keep going on about it. I'm trying hard to consolidate my decision but it's taking far longer than expected. I suppose in a way, starting a new and nevertheless challenging job here in Melbourne is be likened to a new a completely different thing that is not my comfort zone. I'm trying my best to fully appreciate the fact that I'm doing something great for my career, even though I'm letting go a few other important things. I guess life is all about compromises but this is definitely one of the hardest compromises!!!

On Xmas day we had a small family gathering. Usually we'd have atleast four families having a massive Xmas lunch/dinner celebration. This year it was just down to two (incl. ours). However, there was a lot more family bonding happening because the numbers were lower. We spent the night watching family videos from the mid 80s and today from the mid 90s. Everyone stayed over and just hung out all the time. Was great!

So I saw a lot of videos of myself that I haven't seen before. Videos from when I was a baby (with really fat cheeks!) and when I was 10 years old. So I bought myself a new keyboard just last week so I can pick up my skills again and learn some cool Bowie songs (hehe) and I saw this clip of me when I just turned 10 playing some classical tunes on the piano off by heart, no mistakes, crazy finger work... And here I am... 12 years later, taking 10 seconds to work out 2 notes on the piano score!! Argh! I should be ashamed. Now that there is evidence that 'I've been there', I'm going to get back to good piano playing again!!

I never really thought much of my piano playing back then and I didn't really enjoy it despite my parents saying that I 'had some talent'. But now that I've seen it with my own eyes, a wee 10 year old playing some great pieces... I kinda wished that I kept it up. It just didn't feel that I did have any talent. I can't believe how much I've forgotten.

Anyways... So watching old family videos and videos of when you were a kid, you suddenly get transported to your old 'frame of mind'. You are reminded of the things that were important to you then... and its such a huge contrast from the person I am now. Something about seeing you in an age you remember, yet the person on the tv screen was so different, so young, so naive, not knowing what the future was in store for them. You have this strange wish inside that you could tell that person what's ahead... yet also having this feeling of satisfaction that this is how I have ended up.

My life wasn't such a straight road, mainly because I lived in two different countries during significant periods of my life (Malaysia when I was 8 through til I was 14) and been to four different schools. That has completely changed me as a person - I was a very different person back in Malaysia!! So yeah, weird feeling... like "I was her?"... "Look at me now??", etc!!

Ok I'm rambling. I'm not a good writer, ok?!! :P Ciao! Have a safe new year!