Cryptic title for a post but I didn't want to offend. My brother and his mate Dan have been watching this Japanese character played out by some Japanese guy on some Japanese TV show on YouTube. The character's name is "Hard Gay" - which at the start struck me as something pretty porno. But apparently it is not and apparently it is really funny (offensive, I don't know). I haven't checked it out yet but for the last week, my brother and Dan have been imitating this character by thrusting their hips and shouting "Haaaarrrdd Gaaaayyy!" and I can't help but have those words running around my head lately.

Today is the 28th October. It's just almost the end of the month of which I've been looking forward to because I'm due to hear back from RMIT whether or not I have been successful in getting a job in Germany. This has been the LONGEST month ever. I can't sit still right now... I'm like freaking out about this so much. So many decisions revolve around this outcome. I feel like everything in life right now is at a halt because I'm waiting to know whether or not I'm going to Germany. I really can't make any solid decisions right now until I know. So many things that I will be doing this summer revolves around this outcome.

Well, I've already gotten a Xmas casual job at a clothing store so there's not much turning back from that... but man, I'm gonna have to be looking for a real job if I don't get this. I won't get to work overseas, I won't get to travel around Europe... I'll have to find something else productive to do with myself next year. And I guess, in a way, this is something I am trying to avoid. As much as it is great to have a professional job, earning a steady (and fairly decent) income, being able to start saving for real things like your own place, a better car, whatever... there is something in me that is not satisfied to settle with this yet. I feel that there is something else I need to do first... and this Germany thing is just that.

But... fingers crossed... hopefully I'll find out next week.

In the mean time I'm been feeling pretty pleased with myself concerning my thesis. It's only starting to dawn on me now that I have a conference publication to my name :) I was walking from Desmond's apartment to the city the other day and y'know when the wind blows on your sun-kissed face, you've got your earphones on with some positive music... you feel all so inspired and self-contemplative? Yeah, that happened to me and suddenly a lightbulb turned on in my head and I said to myself "My life as a purpose! A legit purpose!" Basically, if I die now, atleast I've done something remotely useful with myself that may possibly benefit mankind.

So my parents came home from China today and brought back a few goodies e.g.: a new digital camera :D It's one sexy thang. It's a Sony Cybershot T10 and its white! No, not silver... white! Very sexual and its oh so thin. Went through the manual and it's got so many cool features for its size. Takes really good pics too. The flash balance is brilliant and the auto functions are excellent... no more over exposed or under exposed pics! It's got a wholesome 2GB memory stick in it so I never really have to worry about space... which is what I had major issues with with the old camera.

So I set my alarm at 8.30 this morning so I could go to the airport to pick the parentals up. I went out last nite and didn't go to bed til like 2.30 am. I haven't set my alarm for ages because I didn't have to for the last two weeks. Been having afternoon exams and no early classes - why have an annoying alarm clock waking me up from my otherwise peaceful slumber of which I much prefer to wake up naturally????? :P Anyways, so this morning when my alarm sounded, I woke up all confused. It didn't occur to me that the sound was my alarm. It was just some annoying sound and I'm there trying to figure out where it is coming from. Then I see my phone and I'm like "alarm?? why??" and I'm still lying there in a daze and then it dawned on me that I had to go to the airport. Turned off the alarm, lay back in bed and let reality sink in.

Don't you just find those 5 minutes or so in the morning allowing reality to sink in.... remembering where in life you left off and where/how to start the day... a strange feeling? Have you ever thought that during your sleep... if someone tweaked your brain i.e.: erased all your memory and put in someone elses. You'd wake up... let that reality sink in and think "WHERE THE FUCK AM I?!" It's such a fine line... our reality is what our brain tells us... and our whole friggin life is what our brain tells us. If our brain dies or stops functioning, our whole life and everything we know dies with it. Man, I don't want to mess with my brain!

OKAY so that was some massive weird digressing going on.

I'm going to stop and go to bed.

Nite!