There are three things I'm most scared of. Cockroaches, spiders and perverted old men. The latter critter is avoidable so let's just focus on the first two. If I had to choose between the cockroach and the spider to be the thing I'm most afraid of, I'd choose cockroach. Spiders, as freakish as they are, don't really move around and will be there in the same place as you found it until you come back with the can of Morteen. And when you kill it or take it outside, you know you're pretty safe after.

COCKROACHES on the other hand run EVERYWHERE. As soon as you take your eyes off it, it's gone. When you find it, you spray it, it goes crazy and lays dormant. You think it's dead... Until you come back later finding the 'corpse' has disappeared. THEY never die (unless you crush it flat). And when it DOES die, you know that there's probably ten more that you haven't seen yet.

I have had a few encounters with cockroaches in and around my home. That would be surprising to a few of you who have been to my house. My mum is a clean freak. Our house is 99% of the time spotless. And therefore for me to find a cockroach is indeed alarming. They come in from outside because we find the random dead cockroach underneath the door semi annually. The lucky ones make it inside without getting crushed and I came face to face with one yesterday.

Whilst making some potato wedges I was just about to open the oven door to find this huge mofo sitting on the handle bar STARING AT ME. I screamed, jumped back and stared at it for a whole 5 seconds hoping that it won't run away while I go get the Morteen. Ran to laundry for can and back to the kitchen in approx. 3 seconds and... IT WAS GONE! I thought it had slipped inside the oven. No way am I going near that oven until I find that loser. Then after a minute or so it emerged between some tea towels and I SPRAYED. Oh God, I SPRAYED. It ran in between a crack in the pantry and I was thinking "Oh SHIT, I can't spray inside the pantry!" As soon as I was finished with that thought it ran out of the crack and went totally beserk. Fell on the ground and I sprayed it until it was soaking in the stuff. Then I smooshed it. Phew.

That is not good news. Not at all. Who knows how many more cockroaches are around. Today I got up and vacuumed and cleaned the whole of downstairs while mum was still at work to hopefully eliminate all traces of 'cockroach bait'.

What is the purpose of cockroaches anyway?? And why do they keep living after you attempt to kill it?! One time I took a mop from outside (it was left outside to dry) and dunked it into boiling hot water in order to mop the floors. I mopped the whole of downstairs with that mop, dunking it into scorching hot water about more than 6 times. Then I went upstairs to do the bathroom floors and whilst mopping, a cockroach fell out of the moppy bit and started running around! I mean, WHAT THE.

Is there a purpose to the cockroach? What purpose do they serve in the food chain and thus the circle of life? Are they just merely indicative 'species' to alert people to the fact "hey your house is dirty, clean it!"? Are they specifically designed to survive a nuclear holocaust? Because nothing apart from a tap dancing shoe smacking it into a pulp will kill it.

I just did a bit of research on the internet:

Q: I am deathly afraid of cockroaches and it may soothe my fear a little if I knew they had a purpose. What are cockroaches good for?

A: Fear of domestic cockroach pests is perhaps warranted because they have been associated with the development of childhood asthma (Asthma?! Er no, I'm just scared of them cos they are ugly and gross) and thus it is better not to have them in your home environment. Cockroaches as a group are part of the worldwide food web. They are omnivore scavengers which clean up our environment and help recycle the organic litter that would accumulate if it were not decomposed by organisms which include cockroaches. Furthermore they serve as food for small mammals, birds, amphibians and lizards. There are over 3000 species of cockroaches and only 10 species are on the World Health Organization list of human pests. The other 3000 species are welcome members of the biodiversity on this planet.

So they DO have a purpose. How about that. They are still terribly disgusting, though and it doesn't explain why they are so incredibly resistant to death. I mean, think of those long long feelers that go woosh woosh and those scurrying little legs that carry them with the speed of 60km/hr. Ugh. I'm not converted, no.


Oh puh-lease. Get a room! And leave my house alone! Shoo! Take your biodiversity ELSEWHERE!
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