Mum got back her results today and SHE IS FINE! I am *so* relieved and really really happy right now. Yayyy...

So today I had a REALLY unproductive day and I am absolutely freaking out of my skin right this moment. Thing is, I find that my brain capacity is reducing in size and my attention span is approaching approximately 0.53 seconds. I calculated.

Say I study a topic in great detail in one day, two days later or even 0.53s later, I have almost completely forgotten all the basic concepts that the topic entails. So basically, there is not much point me studying now because I'm just going to forget it all by the time the exam comes.

I'm really scrapin' it here and I won't be surprised if I actually fail something this semester. I know that it is important but I'm feeling so disheartened. I'm so over engineering. I'm so over finance. Am I wasting my time? I'm confused because what else would I be doing? Graphic design? Fine arts? I would love to do those, but I worry that it just won't bring home any bacon. All this talk about "following your dreams" -- I wish I could. My dreams are clouded with uncertianty and fear that I will fail and regret that I didn't opt for a proper education in a professional field.

I've told myself that I will pursue art as soon as I'm done with these degrees. I really look forward to that but I just can't wait anymore. I'm just sooo busy with Uni and all the other responsibilities that my current lifestyle requires that I just don't have time to purely concentrate on art. My ideas are all half formulated, the projects that I've started a year ago sit and grow dust. It's not as if I'm doing remarkably brilliantly at university either. I'm not here nor there. I'm a sad sad confused person.

I'm going to listen to some David Bowie.